He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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