Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
