We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dear god my vagina.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
