Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
