Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
