You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
