omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
