it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
