I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
