Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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