So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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