Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
