somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
