the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I smell stomach acid.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
