please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
