Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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