happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
