no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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