thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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