24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
