Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am spending my child support on dildos
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
