just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Let's get the cat blown out
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
