So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
