The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
