I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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