TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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