i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
