oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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