Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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