she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
