this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
