If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
These tits shall not be calmed
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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