Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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