Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
