Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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