u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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