I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
