lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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