4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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