What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
