Your tits are I can't wait for
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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