2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
