does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
