are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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