Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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