The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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