My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
