He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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