the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
