that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
