I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
