ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
