Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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