Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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