Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
