VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
