i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
