barbara walters just said penis...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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