I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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